So everyone knows the general plot of Harry Potter, but take a look at my version of the events of each film. This is from a slightly skewed shippers perspective. Please keep in mind this is a parody and no offense is meant to any of the actors and/or characters. There is also some bad language and adult themes that you may want the kiddies to stay away from. Contact me with comments and/or criticism. I hope you enjoy!

While Vernon's ass needs its own zip code...	Harry just wants to go back upstairs and be left alone.	"Company's coming. So, while we're kissing random character ass, where will you be?"
"Standing here, looking incredibly hot?"	"Yes. NO! No...I mean, no! Upstairs with you!"	Harry goes back upstairs, only to find some sort of derainged Chihuahua jumping on his bed.
See kids, this is the type of stuff that grows in your rooms when you don't clean up!	Ugh, he's all nasty. He doesn't look like he's bathed in a while. I wouldn't want his nasty feet jumping all over my bedsheets.	Although, Harry is a 12-year-old boy... I doubt those bedsheets are all that pure.
"Yo quiero Taco Bell?"	"Oh hello! I'm Dobby the house elf."	He's sweet, and despite being dirty and nasty, is actually quite cute and lovable.
So he should be dead in no time.	"Sorry to come unannounced, but I think I've been getting your mail and you've been getting mine."	"Is that why I've been getting issues of Horney House Elves?