So everyone knows the general plot of Harry Potter, but take a look at my version of the events of each film. This is from a slightly skewed shippers perspective. Please keep in mind this is a parody and no offense is meant to any of the actors and/or characters. There is also some bad language and adult themes that you may want the kiddies to stay away from. Contact me with comments and/or criticism. I hope you enjoy!

Seriously, could that lock get any bigger? What? Are the Dursley's afraid that a 5 pound owl is going to become a master criminal and learn to pick the lock?	Pricks.	*hoot hoot* Pricks! *hoot hoot*
"I know Hedwig. If it's any consolation, I'm missing Hermione terribly...."	*hoot hoot* It's not. *hoot hoot*	"... and she hasn't even written to me over the summer. I'm stuck in this room, so I know how it feels..."
"You ungrateful git! You aren't in a cage, crapping on your own bed, okay? You aren't staring at bars all day long and being fed chicken feed. So don't give me that crap! You don't know squat!"	"...and all I have is this picture to tide me over."	Oh Jesus H. Christ... ::rolls owl eyes::
The pricks beckon Harry.	K, that looks pretty nasty. What's with the gross looking food in these movies? It's a wonder anyone eats.	The Dursleys are still pissed off that Harry is the best looking one in the family.
Torturing Harry, being cruel and unkind, keeping him locked in a cupboard... all this I can forgive.	But really... marble shag carpeting? ::shudders::	Pricks.