So everyone knows the general plot of Harry Potter, but take a look at my version of the events of each film. This is from a slightly skewed shippers perspective. Please keep in mind this is a parody and no offense is meant to any of the actors and/or characters. There is also some bad language and adult themes that you may want the kiddies to stay away from. Contact me with comments and/or criticism. I hope you enjoy!

Somewhere in England...	Hagrid brings Harry to a pub where they can enter Diagon Alley.	They meet some very ugly wizards.
And what I suspect to be a hag. And, by-the-way, they're called "fingernail clippers," lady. You can find them at any store. It's just a suggestion. Damn.	A white-assed English man wearing a purple turban and a tie. Oh yeah, he's shifty. That should have tipped everyone off right there that he was evil.	Just for safety's sake, if a big, hairy, older man tells you he has "magic" to show you, then tries to lead you into a dark alleyway... Just Run Away!
But Hagrid just taps a few bricks.	Then they're in Diagon Alley.	Harry goes to the bank, where he realizes he's filthy rich.
For safety's sake, if a little person with some sort of skin problem tries to guide you down a dark corridor with promises of money- Just Run Away!	Harry stares at all of his money and thinks about all the things he could buy with it.	Property...
An island...	[...]	"Hell yeah!"