So everyone knows the general plot of Harry Potter, but take a look at my version of the events of each film. This is from a slightly skewed shippers perspective. Please keep in mind this is a parody and no offense is meant to any of the actors and/or characters. There is also some bad language and adult themes that you may want the kiddies to stay away from. Contact me with comments and/or criticism. I hope you enjoy!

Snape, being one of the only people with intelligence in this entire movie, does seem to know something is a little funky with the white English man that wears the purple turban. He threatens him. And Snape threatening people? Totally hot.

But they're interrupted by Filch, who's looking for his cat and suspects Snape because of that other time, which Snape insists "didn't count." Snape just looks at him for a minute...

...then runs away.

Harry looks totally hot as he wanders into a room holding the Mirror of Erised.

Which shows him his parents, who he sees for the very first time. His dad? Total geek.

Dumbledore asks him not to go looking for the Mirror again. Okay, what is with older guys trying to disguise the fact they're losing their hair in front, so they think growing it from the back will make up for it somehow? Someone has issues.

To distract him, Dumbledore sends Harry to do some light gardening in the middle of the night.

Where Harry is almost killed by Voldemort.

Good job, idiot!

Fortunately for Harry, Firenze was there to save him. But personally, I'd rather be chased by the black sheet that was Voldemort, than the horse-man with no genitals. I don't care how good and kind and wise he is... he is
C-R-E-E-P-Y. And his eyes are all shifty. Yeah, that ain't right.

Hermione tries to comfort Harry.

And it works.

They decide to take action and get the Stone themselves because the adults in this school are obviously either completely incompetent, complete perverts, or aren't important enough to the story to even have names. So Hermione shows off some skills to sneak them out.

Leave it to Dumbledore to suggest a 3-headed dog named "Fluffy" to guard the door. Instead of, you know, an armed guard or even some barbed wire for Christ's sake.

Do I even need to say it at this point?

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