So everyone knows the general plot of Harry Potter, but take a look at my version of the events of each film. This is from a slightly skewed shippers perspective. Please keep in mind this is a parody and no offense is meant to any of the actors and/or characters. There is also some bad language and adult themes that you may want the kiddies to stay away from. Contact me with comments and/or criticism. I hope you enjoy!

Harry's broom starts acting funky, tossing that crappy CGI version of Harry all over the place.

Hermione made sure she bought binoculars, large enough to see the surface of freakin' Mars with, to watch the game.

They suspect Snape, who's making kissy faces to Hermione.

So Hermione goes after him.

And sets his ass on fire.

Suffice it to say, Snape isn't pleased with being set on fire. And he screams like a girly man.

"That's what you get for trying to hurt the future father of my children! Now think about that next time you blow kissy faces at me, you big perve!"

The rest of this Quidditch stuff is very boring for shippers. So blah, blah, blah, Gryffindor wins! Obviously.

Harry looks up to Hermione.

She's his biggest supporter, cheering for him like an insane person.

Will someone please wake up Ron?

Poor Snape. He was trying to save Harry's life and he gets set on fire, has to watch his team loose, and still hasn't gotten any nookie.

: (

Harry is the hero, even though he really didn't do much. Where's poor Oliver, huh?? Everyone seemed to forget that he fell like a billion feet to the ground after getting hit with a very large object. Scottish discrimination, it is! He's too hot to die - someone go get him, please!

The hell? Suddenly it's Christmas. We know this because it's snowing and there's cheery Christmas music playing in the background.

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