So everyone knows the general plot of Harry Potter, but take a look at my version of the events of each film. This is from a slightly skewed shippers perspective. Please keep in mind this is a parody and no offense is meant to any of the actors and/or characters. There is also some bad language and adult themes that you may want the kiddies to stay away from. Contact me with comments and/or criticism. I hope you enjoy!

Neville tells them that they're dumb-asses who made her cry off in the bathroom. He calls them...	"Monkeys!!"	Harry feels horrible.
"I feel horrible."	But the obvious bad guy comes running in yelling of trolls and other such nonsense...	While still no one questions why a skinny English white man is wearing a purple turban.
And though we learn in OotP that Snape is excellent at Occlumency and Legilimency...	...he can't figure out that a fellow teacher is Voldemort.	Let's not mention what this idiot can't figure out.
Back to the troll business, Harry immediately thinks of Hermione, of course.	"Ron, the love of my life is all alone crying in a bathroom. She doesn't know about the troll."	"Don't worry, Harry. I mean, what are the chances the troll will go in that one room in this entire building?"
[...]	"Well, at least there's finally some real angst going on! I was getting tired of making these faces for no reason whatsoever."	So they run off, while the trusty staff have gone out for a cigarette break.