So everyone knows the general plot of Harry Potter, but take a look at my version of the events of each film. This is from a slightly skewed shippers perspective. Please keep in mind this is a parody and no offense is meant to any of the actors and/or characters. There is also some bad language and adult themes that you may want the kiddies to stay away from. Contact me with comments and/or criticism. I hope you enjoy!

Harry's a bit depressed because all he can find to eat is this nasty meat that he can wrap around his fork. Yeah, I wouldn't eat that. Seriously.

Hermione tries to cheer him up by snogging him senseless...

But Snape interrupts them.

They are very annoyed, as are we.

"Hey, if I can't get any, neither can you."

"Don't worry. We'll finish this later."

"You know, once in a while it would be nice for you both to remember that I'm here."

Ron is interrupted by an owl who's either hung like a horse, or he carrying a package.

Thankfully, it's just a package. A broom for Harry.

Given to him by the big McG. Just for safety's sake, if an older person says they have a "big stick" for you and ask you to get on it... what are we gonna do kids? Just Run Away!

So Harry goes to play Quidditch.

Random Hot!Guy alert!

What was I saying? Oh yeah, everyone goes to play Quidditch...

Except Harry, who, for the first 10 minutes just sits there and watches like a dumbass.

Okay, seriously, no wonder Draco Malfoy is such a stud. Compared to the rest of the Slytherin guys, he's like Grade 'A,' Prime Choice beef.

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